In 12 more days...

I will turn 34, still young, enough but 40 is like right around the corner. And is scares the crap out of me. Why, you might ask... The honest answer is... Everything scares the crap out of me. Admitting it, and writing it down on here, is causing me tremendous anxiety. I was once fearless, or nearly in comparison to the chicken I have turned into, as I grow older. I don't particularly believe its because I've grown wiser with the years, I believe I have just become lazy and take the easy way out.

I have thrown myself into parenting and being a wife, daughter, friend, Auntie, Grand daughter... The list could go on but the point I am trying to make is I hide behind things that make me completely safe! I am not sure when this totally happened, I believe it was just after my second daughter was born. We went through something, I can't clearly say, I have not fully gotten over and my anger lingers, in often misguided directions. But definitely that is when I put up the "mental" safety bars across my life and as the years progress, I give up my fight and passion.

I wish I could regain my ability to say exactly what I was thinking. But in fear of the repercussions of the verbal garbage that might indeed fly out of my mouth, i gave that up. I am sure some are delighted, i no longer feel the need to partake any longer. But for one dayI would love to say what I was thinking, No FILTER, as I did when I was younger but I have come to know, that must not be my duty in this life.

I wish I could say no, without fear of hurting anyone's feelings or feel like I was letting them down, I honestly feel like if I said "oh NO, I am sorry I can't," something bad will truly happen... Like my karmic balance will be out of whack... Let me tell ya, only thing out of whack in my way of thinking! I often feel and complain openly to those I feel I can too, how doormat must be my middle name, because I am always being walked over, and I know it's because I've allowed it to be. I must work on that...and only I can!

I often run a muck when telling a story and this one is no different! Back to why I am afraid to turn 34... I feel like my life is quickly, I mean lightening speed, passing me by and I have not
even bought my ticket yet! Don't get me wrong, I am truly blessed in every way... No doubt, but I have not lived up to my potential education wise, career wise, or putting me and my best self forward. I tell my girls the world is there to explore and be anything you want, but I only ask you be the best at it you think you can be... Kinda hypocritical don't ya think, coming from ME.

So long story short, another year has passed me by, another opportunity to do something about it again... So to Laura on her 34th, birthday... I give you this... An opportunity to not be afrai, to say no, take a few classes, learn something new, make new friends, join a group by yourself, step out of your comfort zone, use everyone of those spa gift cards you have and not feel guilty your taking time away from your family, to be 34 but feel 24 again!!

I'm de cluttered

20 bags/boxes removed from my home this past week!! The memo finally arrived to my bedroom and laundry room! Once this snow finally leaves my sunroom will be tidy and organized too!! If feels soo good to get rid of junk!! I am not sure why, I was holding on to it all for soooooo long! I feel free and liberated! Spring Cleaning has begun! I can continue on the redecorating of the house!! I feel refreshed and like a weight has been lifted! Funny how cleaning has that affect!! I hope everyone has a great Thursday!! Sorry I've been do busy, will try to visit you all soon!!

Working on my 365 -- organize stuff

Well, I have began organizing things in my home and life, redid KC's room, check! Cleaned Chloe's room last night....again. Check! Cleaned out the dreaded powder room, cupboard and drawers ... Check! I finally bit the bullet, I have not even given this area a second serious thought, except when I am jamming more into it, in the ( insert, bow head in embarrassment) GULP... Nearly seven years since we moved in here. Life has just been to busy, sure glad we are slowing it down and get stuff done :). My hubby will be shocked, my kids will want to know where their mom's gone and what have I done with her. I'm a pretty tidy person, messes often cause me to have unwanted stress, but there are three things apparently didn't get that memo...my room, my laundry room and the powder room cupboards...lol. So here's to a great Tuesday Everyone...remember in the fight to get organized and declutter, it only takes one drawer at a time :)

Very Exciting Week...

We have so many things to look forward to this week... I have been looking forward to this week since September when I bought the tickets.
So June we got an NHL hockey team, once again, for those who don't know. The tickets sold out in mere seconds, tickets are hard to get and when you can, dig deep my friend... So I dug and dug and pulled out ... Gulp... $600, purchased 4 tickets and gave them (well Santa did..) to my family for Christmas... Well the game day has finally arrived... Thursday March 1st we will be enjoying our first, perhaps only,Jets games as a family!! Yahoo! Also to add to our excitment, I get two date night this weekend!! First Celebrations dinner theatre on Friday and MTC on Saturday.. I have to be quite honest, I often fall asleep during the plays, last one was Shirley Valentine, very funny-- did not fall asleep, but this next one is about when women get the right to vote... Doesn't start until 8:30... It's not looking good.. I should bring a hanky incase I droll, sometimes when I sleep I do that :) Hee Hee! At least I am not the snorer in the row in front of me... I sleep quietly...lol. Last but very not least ... Wednesday kicks off my week of fun, my first casserole exchange... I'm very nervous... What if they don't like it, oh gosh what if there is a hair in my casserole... I wore my hair back and everything but gosh, that is my biggest fear when I have company over or bring a dish... So I say a little prayer... Dear Lord, please let my casseroles be hair free & tasty... Thanks for everything!! On that note... Have a great Monday :)

Scrappy stuff

I did 3 pages, 1 being a two page layout.... 4 years later 2012 might just be the year I get our first trip to Florida completed!! Will post photos soon :)

So our Feb charity of choice...

We donated our money for the month to a Friend who hosted a charity for her friend who has cancer. I was unable to attend the crop she hosted in her honor, as I was. Busy Bee mom away at Brownie Camp with Chloe, but I gladly gave over our money to Nicole who then made sure it made its way to the Charity... This was such a great selfless thing to do!! I love warm fuzzy stories and acts of kindness! Just makes you feel like our children have a chance if the follow in these foot steps!! Be blessed on this chilly Monday Morning!!

Things I've made on Pintrest...

Chicken enchilada casserole... 5 of them actually (for a casserole swap). Very tasty! Cherry Coke cupcakes... Pretty yummy, not a real coke taste, more of a black Forrest cake taste.. Gonna soak the cherries in coke over night next time :). The Very Hungery Catapiller hand print painting... Very cute! Kids loved it! Just made Cadbury Creme Egg cupcakes with a vanilla butter cream icing ( found separately). So, at least it is an addiction which makes me productive... Also, saving bread tabs, so I can label all of my cords :). Pintrest I love you!! Sorry for all the Pinning chatter.. I just love it!!